I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
