I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
