I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
