my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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