I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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