Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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