And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
