Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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