I love black thongs
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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