He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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