And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
