Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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