i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize