I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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