That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
