well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
