people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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