I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
