i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Life is so much better after having sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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