Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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