he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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