I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
