so explain again why im purple
no
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize