Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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