So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He has the fingertips of a God
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize