They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I love you. Go after that dick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
