i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
