Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize