i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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