WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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