I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
