make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
