Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
