In the future we'll all be gay
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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