i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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