What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
