I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
