I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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