Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
