We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
