Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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