He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
