what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
