we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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