Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
