i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
