we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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