There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
