So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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