It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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