I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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