I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize
