yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
