i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
