Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
