Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
