I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
