4 words: hood of his car
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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