I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like abortions should bother me more
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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