Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
