we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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