Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I love you.
Bad choice
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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