We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
