between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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