Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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