Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
