Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Will exercising make me less horny?
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