some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
