The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
